hmmm why do i have a feeling that everyone's making use of me?

i'm done cleaning the study room and my bedroom all by myself, while my brother (who evidently doesn't have balls) gets to relax on the sofa and watch stupid tv shows. anyway, life has been hectic, really hectic. firstly, i've been too preoccupied with homework to watch the television or send random messages to my alien friends. secondly, i'm still trying my very best to find the appropriate/necessary materials for the NE board. thirdly, eventhough i wasn't/am not in the mood, i made myself study. and i am very proud of myself. lastly, someone asked me to take him back.

and i said no.

yesterday, my male cousin told me that i was hot. today, i can't believe that my male cousin told me that i was hot. now, i am quite disturbed with the fact that my male cousin told me that i was hot. actually, i'm very disturbed with the fact that my male cousin told me that i was hot. can you imagine your cousin (aka person who is related to you by blood) staring at your outfit and your legs while you were chatting with another cousin? traumatizing, yes? i think i need counselling. fiona, where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?

I hear your tears, they're falling down through your eyes.
Pouring out just to reach me.
Calling out for some meaning.
With all those times we sat and dreamed of life
Oh how the future it could be,
The flawless drawings of beauty.
So dont give up, dont give in.
Dont stop believing in me.
This is just the beginning.